Funny facebook status quotations

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◆ When I was a kid, I used to sing, 'A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P'

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◆ I bet that in prison everyone's FB relationship status is set to "it's complicated".

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◆ A man yells at his wife "pack your bags, honey, I just won the lottery." "Oh wonderful!" she says, "should I pack for the beach or the mountains?" The husband replies, "I don't care. Just get out!"

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◆ An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is nothing."

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◆ Best way to get out of a text convo: "The message could not be delivered due to a temporary network setup error. Please try later. Error 2128-226110"

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◆ Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.

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◆ I'm searching Facebook for people named Hontas, just because I think it would be cool... to poke a Hontas.

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◆ Women are like police, they can have all the evidence in the world but they still want a confession.

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◆ My mother never understood the irony in calling me a "son-of-a-bitch."

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◆ Grammar is important! Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle jack off a horse.

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◆ The awkward moment when wikipedia has copied your homework.

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◆ If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence... Your answer should always be, Please don't hit me again officer...

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◆ Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire.

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◆ A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"

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◆ I wonder if fat drug dealers sell diet coke.

- Charlie Sheen98