Funny facebook status quotes

Page 1

◆ I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it. And it will say Nobody Likes This.

- 100

◆ Wanna hear a joke about my penis? Never mind, it's too long.

- 99

◆ If you're talking behind my back, you're in a good position to kiss my ass!

- 99

◆ ...condom says to the tampon, "You put me out of a job for 1 week a month!" The tampon replies, "When you don't do your job properly, I lose mine for 9 months!"

- 99

◆ Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it's wide use three fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down. Yep that's how you wash a cup.

- 99

◆ The teacher asks Timmy "why is your cat at school today?" Timmy says, crying, "Because I heard my daddy say to my mommy, 'I'm going to eat that pussy when the kids leave.' so I'm saving him!"

- 99

◆ Why is there a show called When animals attack? It should be called When stupid people go near dangerous animals.

- 99

◆ Wanna come over to MySpace and Twitter my Yahoo till I Google all over your Facebook?

- 99

◆ No I didnt trip The floor looked like it needed a hug.

- 99

◆ If the world doesnt end on December 21st, 2012, I have a feeling there will be a lot of babies born on September 20th, 2013.

- 99

◆ Drunk people run stop signs, high people wait for them to turn green.

- 99

◆ God loves me even when I don't forward those chain letters.

- 99

◆ Facebook is the only place where it's acceptable to talk to a wall.

- 99

◆ Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't know.

- 99

◆ In the past, when you were angry with someone you fought them. Now you just delete them off Facebook. That'll teach 'em to fuck with you.

- 99