Funny quotes

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◆ Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
- Robin Williams101
◆ Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
- Margaret Mead100
◆ Sex is nature, and I believe in going along with nature.
- Marilyn Monroe100
◆ If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.
- Cassandra Clare100
◆ A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.
- Sam Ewing100
◆ The golden rule of work is that the bosses jokes are ALWAYS funny.
- Robert Paul99
◆ Parent: What did you learn today? Student: Apparently not enough! We have to go back tomorrow!
- 99
◆ Before sex.. you help each other get naked, after sex you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you're fucked.
- 99
◆ When my girlfriend and I fight, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house. Just so I can say "Oh yeah, you need me NOW, huh?"
- 99
◆ Cop pulls man over for suspicion of drunk driving. Cop: Sir have you been drinking? Man: No. Cop: Papers. Man: Scissors, I win!
- 99
◆ If I found out I only had a week to live, and could go anywhere in the world, I think I'd go to the hospital because that sounds serious.
- 99
◆ Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.
- 99
◆ I wonder if fat drug dealers sell diet coke.
- Charlie Sheen99
◆ A lion wouldn't cheat, but a tiger wood.
- 99
◆ Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
- Sharon Stone99

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