Funny sayings

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◆ I accidentally bumped into my ex today...With my car...at 60mph...on purpose.

- 99

◆ I failed my Driver's test. Driving teacher: 'What do you do at a red light?' Me: 'I usually respond to texts and check my Facebook.'

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◆ Today I saw something that reminded me of you. But don't worry, I flushed and everything went back to normal.

- 99

◆ Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period.

- 99

◆ That awkward moment during a test and you don't know any of the answers, so you just start laughing because you know you're screwed.

- 99

◆ My parents told me 'You watch too much TV and should try reading more!' So I turned on the subtitles.

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◆ The best time to look for a job is when you already have one. Men apply the same theory to looking for a girlfriend.

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◆ Today I saw a baby with a bib that said 'This dumbass put my cape on backwards.'

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◆ It's a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad.

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◆ I DON'T have EX's! I have Y's. Like 'Y the hell did I date you?!'

- Kevin Hart99

◆ Dear Santa, ( ) I've been good all year. ( ) Ok most of the time. ( ) Once in a while. (X) Fuck it. I'll buy my own shit.

- 99

◆ On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeensssss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends-a-pokin & a creep who won't stop inboxing meeee!

- 99

◆ Going to McDonald's for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

- 99

◆ If couples who are in love are called 'love birds', then couples who always argue should be called 'angry birds.'

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◆ When I was a kid, I used to sing, 'A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P'

- 99