Funny sayings

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◆ Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
- Robin Williams100
◆ Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
- Margaret Mead100
◆ Parent: What did you learn today? Student: Apparently not enough! We have to go back tomorrow!
- 100
◆ Before sex.. you help each other get naked, after sex you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you're fucked.
- 100
◆ When my girlfriend and I fight, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house. Just so I can say "Oh yeah, you need me NOW, huh?"
- 100
◆ Cop pulls man over for suspicion of drunk driving. Cop: Sir have you been drinking? Man: No. Cop: Papers. Man: Scissors, I win!
- 100
◆ Sex is nature, and I believe in going along with nature.
- Marilyn Monroe100
◆ The golden rule of work is that the bosses jokes are ALWAYS funny.
- Robert Paul100
◆ A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.
- Sam Ewing99
◆ If I found out I only had a week to live, and could go anywhere in the world, I think I'd go to the hospital because that sounds serious.
- 99
◆ I wonder if fat drug dealers sell diet coke.
- Charlie Sheen99
◆ Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period.
- 99
◆ I DON'T have EX's! I have Y's. Like 'Y the hell did I date you?!'
- Kevin Hart99
◆ Dear Santa, ( ) I've been good all year. ( ) Ok most of the time. ( ) Once in a while. (X) Fuck it. I'll buy my own shit.
- 99
◆ When I was a kid, I used to sing, 'A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P'
- 99

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