Absurd quotations

Page 3

◆ I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning.

- Jarod Kintz99

◆ Death cannot stop true love. That's why it's pointless for me to try to murder all my adoring female fans.

- Jarod Kintz98

◆ Despite marking the spot, Generation X has no treasure. How could they, when I dug it up first?

- Jarod Kintz98

◆ You could empty the trash and my love for you still wouldn't fit inside. But just because it won't fit, doesn't mean you shouldn't empty the trash.

- Jarod Kintz98

◆ Seeking what is true is not seeking what is desirable.

- Albert Camus98

◆ Blood may be thicker than water, but it's certainly not as thick as ketchup. Nor does it go as well with French fries.

- Jarod Kintz98

◆ I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.

- Woody Allen98

◆ Love is like breakfast with Mildred. Who's Mildred? How the heck should I know? I don't eat breakfast.

- Jarod Kintz98

◆ If love were a dolphin with wings and a unicorn's horn, being ridden by a blind leprechaun dressed like Rasputin, would you believe in second chances for love at first sight?

- Jarod Kintz98

◆ My love is pizza shaped. Won't you have a slice? It's circular, so there's enough to go around.?

- Dora J. Arod98

◆ Love is the most amazing feeling in the world. Let me double check. Yep, love is a feeling.

- Jarod Kintz98

◆ More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

- Woody Allen98

◆ Love is like learning to ride a midget, which I've never done because I'm afraid of heights.

- Jarod Kintz98

◆ Hydrogenated and androgynous milky white love is all I have to offer you. Would you like me to pour it in your coffee, or directly into your soul??

- Jarod Kintz98

◆ I just recently figured out how mirrors work. Pretty cool. That guy always hungrily staring at my naked body was me!

- Jarod Kintz98