Absurd quotes

Page 1

◆ If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.

- Jarod Kintz100

◆ I want to gather up all the ink cartridges in the universe, because somewhere, mixed in with all that ink, is the next great American novel. And I'd love nothing more than to drink it.

- Jarod Kintz99

◆ It's a beautiful thing, the destruction of words.

- George Orwell99

◆ I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

- Jon Stewart99

◆ Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future.

- Niels Bohr99

◆ I want to write the Boston Marathon of run-on sentences. And since it'll be so long, I'll replace all the commas with the word Gatorade, to help push people through it.

- Jarod Kintz99

◆ I want to protect innocent people from sin by locking them in cages, where the evil can't get to them.

- Jarod Kintz99

◆ If love had feathers and tasted like dog food, then I suggest you wear shoes with your banana pudding. (This statement also defines my political beliefs).

- Jarod Kintz99

◆ If I have to beat you up to keep you safe, that's just what I'll do. It's this kind of regard for others that makes me believe I'd be a good politician.

- Jarod Kintz99

◆ I would pour you a glass of wine, but wouldn't it be more romantic if you sipped it out of my armpit?

- Jarod Kintz99

◆ It's true, I can't make you love me. But I can refuse to let you out of your cage.

- Jarod Kintz99

◆ We can't be lovers because we both have mustaches. But since you're a lady, and I'm a gentleman, I'll shave mine off.

- Jarod Kintz99

◆ Love is the jelly to sunshine's peanut butter. And if I tell you that I'm in sandwich with you, I'm not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag.

- Jarod Kintz99

◆ You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it. But first, let me introduce myself.

- Jarod Kintz99

◆ Love is a bicycle with two pancakes for wheels. You may see love as more of an exercise in hard work, but I see it as more of a breakfast on the go.

- Jarod Kintz99