Hilarious sayings

Page 2

◆ I want to read the employment section of the Bible. I think it's simply called Job.

- Jarod Kintz99

◆ I'm a little bit naked, but that's okay.

- Lady Gaga99

◆ I want to be a naughty pirate, because when I put on that eye patch, it barely covers my genitals.

- Jarod Kintz99

◆ I have always loved camping, ever since I was eight, and was forcibly stuffed in a trunk and dropped off in the middle of the forest. My dad was a complex man, but I believe he was trying to show me the value of camping.

- Jarod Kintz99

◆ A vibrator can last all night, too, vampire! - Denise

- Jeaniene Frost99

◆ Her name badge read: Hello! My name is DIE, DEMIGOD SCUM!

- Rick Riordan99

◆ His name was Tom Tombstone, and if he had a middle name it was probably Death. But I didn't call him Tom, or even Mr. Tombstone, because he introduced himself as Robert Winston. And I wondered how this stranger could shake my hand, look me in the eye, smile, and expect me to believe such a bold-faced lie?

- Jarod Kintz99

◆ Let's pray that the human race never escapes Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere.

- C.S. Lewis99

◆ Cryptic Dad is cryptic,' I muttered ... We'd hung out all day today. Was there no time in there he could have said, 'Oh, hey, meet me at the magical bookcase at the butt-crack of dawn tomorrow, cool?

- Rachel Hawkins99

◆ Is my paranoia getting completely out of hand, or are you mongoloids really talking about me?

- John Kennedy Toole99

◆ I don't lack for bed partners, so I don't need to scrounge for unwilling scraps.-Spade

- Jeaniene Frost99

◆ Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn't that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.

- Carroll Bryant99

◆ so, what are you in for? MANSLAUGHTER!!! I SLAUGHTERED A MAN!! JUST LIKE A PIG!!! PUT HIM ON A SPIT AND PUT AN APPLE IN HIS MOUTH!!!!

- Brian Regan99

◆ I am also very proud to be a liberal. Why is that so terrible these days? The liberals were liberatorsthey fought slavery, fought for women to have the right to vote, fought against Hitler, Stalin, fought to end segregation, fought to end apartheid. Liberals put an end to child labor and they gave us the five day work week! What's to be ashamed of?

- Barbra Streisand99

◆ Forgive me. I continue to underestimate the breadth of your ignorance.

- Ransom Riggs99