Funny christmas card quotations

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◆ I know its not Christmas, but Santa's lap is always ready.

- 99

◆ The quality of your Christmas gifts makes me wish Santa was real.

- 98

◆ If you're sad about being single this holiday season, remember that even Kim Kardashian is unmarried 293 days a year.

- 98

◆ There's no limit to the amount of company time I'd waste shopping for your holiday gift.

- 98

◆ Let's give thanks our neighborhood is too dangerous for Christmas caroling.

- 98

◆ May your holiday season be filled with friends and family who don't bring up your school's horrifying pedophiliac sex scandal.

- 98

◆ All I want for Christmas this year is the 2008 version of Obama.

- 98

◆ Merry Christmas to someone who'd care more about Baby Jesus if he was in Kate Middleton's uterus.

- 98

◆ I've put a lot of thought into asking Siri what to get you for Christmas.

- 98

◆ Buying me a Christmas gift on Cyber Monday is a great way to ensure I'll have sex with you until Christmas.

- 98

◆ Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.

- Victor Borge98

◆ Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

- 98

◆ Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, Must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?"

- Arlo Guthrie98

◆ The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.

- Joan Rivers98

◆ Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money.

- 98