Sarcastic christmas quotes

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◆ On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeensssss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends-a-pokin & a creep who won't stop inboxing meeee!

- 100

◆ I wanted to send you something AMAZING for Christmas but the mailman told me to get out of the mailbox...

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◆ Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.

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◆ Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.

- Johnny Carson99

◆ Dear Santa, what I want for Christmas is... your list with names of naughty girls.

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◆ Pretending to believe in the Mayan apocalypse prophecy is a great way to get out of buying Christmas presents.

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◆ I'm flattered you actually think I can afford the things on your holiday wish list.

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◆ Merry Christmas to someone who'd care more about Baby Jesus if he was in Kate Middleton's uterus.

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◆ I've put a lot of thought into asking Siri what to get you for Christmas.

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◆ Buying me a Christmas gift on Cyber Monday is a great way to ensure I'll have sex with you until Christmas.

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◆ I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.

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◆ Dear Santa, Please send your credit card numbers. its only fair since youre getting the credit for the gifts, that you should start paying for them also...

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◆ This year, I'm going to buy all of my Christmas gifts from Nike...Made for kids by kids.

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◆ Christmas is a time when you get homesick...even when you're home.

- Carol Nelson99

◆ Dear Santa, ( ) I've been good all year. ( ) Ok most of the time. ( ) Once in a while. (X) Fuck it. I'll buy my own shit.

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