Sarcastic quotes

Page 1

◆ Oh, it's sunny outside. I better update my Facebook status for all of my friends that don't have windows.

- 100

◆ Apparently twilight is so popular because teenagers can relate to it. Oh yeah I remember the time when I was a vampire.

- 99

◆ I hate cripple jokes. I can't stand them.

- 99

◆ I dont hate you. I just hope your next period happens in a shark tank.

- 99

◆ Homework: Because 7 hours of school wasn't enough...

- 99

◆ I'm not arguing, I'm explaining why I'm correct.

- 99

◆ Zombies are looking for brains. Don't worry. You're safe.

- 99

◆ I hate it when the cashier's ask, 'Is that everything?' Uhh, no. I'd also like to purchase all of this invisible sh*t as well...

- 99

◆ Oh, you're dating my ex...I thought the five second rule was for food only...

- 99

◆ I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

- Will Smith99

◆ I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

- Steven Wright99

◆ Bitch...I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.

- 99

◆ I don't hate you or anything, but if you were on fire and I had a glass of water, I'd drink it.

- 99

◆ Oh I'm sorry, I didnt realize that you are an expert on my life and how I should live it. Please continue while I take notes.

- 99

◆ Slut jokes are just whoreable.

- 99