News quotes

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◆ Why can't the Morning News ever say 'Today has been canceled...go back to sleep.'
- 100
◆ But we are at war, and we here at THE DAILY SHOW will do our best to keep you informed of any late-breaking...humor we can find. Of course, our show is obviously at a disadvantage compared to the many news sources that we're competing with at a disadvantage in several respects. For one thing, we are fake. They are not. So in terms of credibility we are, well, oddly enough, actually about even. We're about even.
- Jon Stewart99
◆ For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We don't you know, it's interesting. I think we don't make things up. We just distill it to, hopefully, its most humorous nugget. And in that sense it seems faked and skewed just because we don't have to be subjective or pretend to be objective. We can just put it out there.
- Jon Stewart99
◆ We don't consider ourselves equal opportunity anythings, because that's not - you know, that's the beauty of fake journalism. We don't have to - we travel in fake ethics.
- Jon Stewart99
◆ The only white man you can trust is a dead white man.
- Robert Mugabe99
◆ The American people deserve to know that they're not just watching the administration's spin on their local newscasts -- they're paying for it, too.
- Senator John Kerry99
◆ Fake news executives are nicer than real news executives, though real news executives are funnier than fake news executives. They dont know theyre being funny.
- Stephen Colbert99
◆ Its hard to believe that in the greatest democracy in the world, we need legislation to prevent the government from writing and paying for the news.
- Senator John Kerry99
◆ Media: 99,99% of what happens is not on the news
- Loesje99
◆ Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
- Andy Rooney99
◆ False history gets made all day, any day, the truth of the new is never on the news.
- Adrienne Rich99
◆ One little person, giving all of her time to peace, makes news. Many people, giving some of their time, can make history.
- Peace Pilgrim99
◆ I never think too far into the future. I'm too busy thinking about tomorrow's news.
- Matt Drudge99
◆ You can never get all the facts from just one newspaper, and unless you have all the facts, you cannot make proper judgements about what is going on.
- Harry S Truman99
◆ The rain descends with the enthusiasm of someone breaking bad news.
- H V Morton99

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