Jokes quotes

Page 1

◆ An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is nothing."

- 100

◆ I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

- Will Smith99

◆ I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

- Steven Wright99

◆ A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.

- Sam Ewing99

◆ Please GOD if you cant make me slim, make my friends fat.

- 99

◆ I'm not saying my ex-girlfriend is a slut I am just saying if everyone's cock had wings she'd be a airport.

- 99

◆ Say this out loud five times fast! 'I won a math debate.'

- 99

◆ You see, the way my bank account is set up...

- Kevin Hart99

◆ I stepped on a cornflake this morning...I'm a cereal killer now!

- 99

◆ My diabetic neighbor died in his sleep. I forgot to wish him 'sweet dreams.'

- 99

◆ Obama supporters are like christmas lights. They all hang out together, half of em don't work, and the ones that do work aren't very bright.

- Mario Tomasello99

◆ Slut jokes are just whoreable.

- 99

◆ I hate cripple jokes. I can't stand them.

- 99

◆ I was going to make a gay joke...butt f*ck it...

- 99

◆ Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period.

- 99