Hilarious christmas quotes

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◆ I put so much thought into your gift it's now too late to get it.

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◆ May you maintain the same fake enthusiasm for the holidays as North Koreans did for Kim Jong Il.

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◆ A holiday miracle would be still fitting into my clothes after the holidays.

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◆ I hope you like the gift I took partial credit for.

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◆ The quality of your Christmas gifts makes me wish Santa was real.

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◆ Pretending to believe in the Mayan apocalypse prophecy is a great way to get out of buying Christmas presents.

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◆ If you're sad about being single this holiday season, remember that even Kim Kardashian is unmarried 293 days a year.

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◆ I'm flattered you actually think I can afford the things on your holiday wish list.

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◆ Let's give thanks our neighborhood is too dangerous for Christmas caroling.

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◆ Happy holidays from someone using environmental friendliness as an excuse for being too cheap and lazy to send a real card.

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◆ May your holiday season be filled with friends and family who don't bring up your school's horrifying pedophiliac sex scandal.

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◆ All I want for Christmas this year is the 2008 version of Obama.

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◆ Merry Christmas to someone who'd care more about Baby Jesus if he was in Kate Middleton's uterus.

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◆ I've put a lot of thought into asking Siri what to get you for Christmas.

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◆ Buying me a Christmas gift on Cyber Monday is a great way to ensure I'll have sex with you until Christmas.

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