Christmas humor quotes

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◆ On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeensssss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends-a-pokin & a creep who won't stop inboxing meeee!

- 100

◆ I wanted to send you something AMAZING for Christmas but the mailman told me to get out of the mailbox...

- 99

◆ Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, Must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?"

- Arlo Guthrie99

◆ Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money.

- 99

◆ Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.

- 99

◆ I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

- Bernard Manning99

◆ Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.

- Johnny Carson99

◆ Dear Santa, what I want for Christmas is... your list with names of naughty girls.

- 99

◆ The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

- Jay Leno99

◆ Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music.

- Tom Sims99

◆ Roses are reddish, Violets are bluish, If it werent for Christmas, Wed all be Jewish.

- Benny Hill99

◆ I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.

- Shirley Temple99

◆ The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

- George Carlin99

◆ What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

- Phyllis Diller99

◆ Dear Santa, ( ) I've been good all year. ( ) Ok most of the time. ( ) Once in a while. (X) Fuck it. I'll buy my own shit.

- 99