Wild proverbs
Page 4
- Jarod Kintz98◆ A brick could be used to test my new levitation machine. Still, I'd rather test the machine out by seeing if it can lift my heavy, elephantine penis off the floor. But before I turn the machine on, I'm going to ask you to stand at least ten feet back, because I wouldn't want to accidentally impregnate you. ?
- Jarod Kintz98◆ A blanket could be used to suppress yawns. Just curl up in the technological wonder that is a blanket, lay your head back, and let the miracle of science cure your yawns.?
- Jarod Kintz98◆ A blanket isn't the solution, a blanket is the problem. I say we burn all the blankets, along with the bodies of the unbelievers.?
- Jarod Kintz98◆ A brick could be used as a doorstop. But that's obvious. What isn't obvious is why somebody would want to stop a door, since doors represent openness. What is that person hiding behind that door that they want to stop people from opening it up? I don't know, but it's got to be diabolical, and if anything is to be stopped, it's not the door—it's the evil plan by the Door Master to take over the world.?
- Jarod Kintz98◆ A brick could be used as a brick. Clever, right??
- Jarod Kintz98◆ A brick is what I'm voting for for President. And guess what? If you're voting for a Republican or Democrat, so are you.?
- Jarod Kintz98◆ A brick could be fired out of a cannon, in an attempt to bring down a brick wall, just as index fingers could be severed and flicked at politicians, to try to correctly redirect blame.?
- Jarod Kintz98◆ A brick could be wrapped in plastic and sold individually to toddlers as toys. (Warning: Bricks can be harmful if swallowed. If ingested, please contact a physician first, and then the manager of a circus.)?
- Jarod Kintz98◆ A brick could be substituted in for Rhode Island as a US state, because they're roughly the same size, the have the same population (the brick may have one less person), and Grandma Kintz makes the best Excuse Soup in the entire state.?
- Jarod Kintz98◆ A brick could be used for pressing grapes into wine, and a magician could then cover up that wine with a blanket and turn wine into water.?
- Jarod Kintz98◆ A brick and a blanket represent two lovers who can never be together. I simply forbid it!?
- Jarod Kintz98◆ A brick could be substituted in for Kansas as a US state, because they're roughly the same shape, they have the same topography, and I just found Topeka without the aid of a microscope.?
- Jarod Kintz98◆ A brick could be used to build a color theory that red objects encapsulate rage. Don't believe me? Think of all the red objects that inspire hate: stop lights, Nazi swastikas, and tomato juice.?
- Jarod Kintz98◆ A blanket could be split in two—divided in half, like hereditary territory one inherits. And once you've got half the blanket, you'd better stay on your side of the bed—or else I'm going to tell dad.?
- Jarod Kintz98
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